A New Beginning..

I like beginnings! I like the beginning of books...the way the author paints a picture with words to describe places I've never been to. I like the beginning of movies...the way we're introduced to characters and the anticipation of figuring out how they will all fit together (and whether I've just wasted $10 on a movie I should have known better than to go see!) I like the beginning of a friendship...how they're all unique in their own way, yet each new friendship always produces a smile and a laugh like all the others.

I like the beginning of relationships...the butterflies, the nervousness, and how holding your hand or the way he looks at you always puts a smile on your face :)


I like the beginning of a new day. Umm...let me rephrase that! I like the beginning of a new day that starts with a bowl of cocoa pebbles and a diet coke!! I like how each day starts out fresh with new possibilities, new opportunities, new chances to fix things that have gone wrong and the chance to see things from a new (and sometimes better) perspective!

And in this case, I like new beginnings. I'm not usually the girl that does well with change. To be quite honest, it scares me. But this time I'm straight up excited about change and a new beginning!! In this instance, a new beginning means getting to move home, getting past a VERY rough year, getting to be back with my closest girl friends and hopefully getting back to being the me I once was :)

Harsh Realities...

Pessimistic....undependable....selfish....unhappy....struggling....stand-offish. Characteristics I once disliked so much in other people and other friends.....characteristics I now possess. Harsh realities are hard to face. I almost didn't write this...not because I was afraid everyone would read it (b/c there probably aren't many that will)...but b/c seeing those qualities written down in front of me is hard to admit to. Who wants to admit that these characteristics are what you have become?

I've always known that stress tends to bring out the not so desirable side of me. I realize that this may be true of everyone, but for me it seems like it is just amplified. I tend to hold my stress in...to keep it to myself b/c I don't want to burden others with it. Since moving to Dallas, my stress has seemed to be more than I've ever experienced and honestly in most instances, more than I can handle. I've realized that this stress has caused me to be an unreliable friend, an emotional daughter, a distant sister, and a pessimistic and uncaring stranger. I've grown to where I resent my job because of this...for being the one thing that brings all the worst parts of me out. I've been like this since school began and I'm sooo tired of being this way.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I realized what I've been doing wrong....I've been trying to do it on my own. Why do I have such a hard time giving this stuff over to God? This whole time I've been trying to carry this burden and stress on my own shoulders. In my mind, I guess I really thought I could do it....I could handle everything without anyone's help. Wrong again. I feel like God is ALWAYS having to remind me of truths and promises that I've known for so many years. I tend to blame it on the stubbornness my dad passed onto me at birth! God has never promised us the easy way for the rest of our lives....He's promised us that He will be by our sides through every part of the journey though...good and bad. "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5. I just wish that during the hardest of times I would be the one who trusted God fully through it. Instead, I'm the one who sees a hardship and tries even harder to handle it on my own.

I pray that as the weeks and months go on, I begin to loosen that controlling grip in my life, give my burdens and hardships over to God, and allow God to mold me and change these undesirable qualities into ones that are more like Him..not only for my sake...but also for all of my friends and family as well!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~Matthew 11:28-30~

Faithful One

So I know it's been quite some time since I've gotten on this thing and my life has definitely had some exciting/sad/nerve wracking/worry-filled moments since then. Throughout these past 3 months though, the one thing I've always known but something God has continually had to remind me of is that HE IS FAITHFUL!

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.........Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?....If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"
~Matthew 6:25-30~

You know that last part..."O you of little faith".....that's right, God was talking to me. I'm definitely not proud to admit that, but it's completely true. If you know me really well, you know I'm a worrier...and quite possibly might be the worst one at that. I'm the girl who suffers from stress headaches, sleepless nights and back knots whenever I'm going through something hard. These past 3 months have been all that and more....and there's one thing that's brought it about...the "unknown". I've always done HORRIBLY with the unknown. Something about not having control of my life and the direction in which it is going completely scares me to death. It's been during this "unknown" time that God has had to remind me on more than one ocassion that I'm not supposed to have control of my life and the direction it's going....He is. I wish I remembered that more! I wish I remembered that God's hand is in every part of my life and that the pressure I put upon myself to try and figure things out on my own is unnecessary. So many times, I think my ways and my timing is the best and the only way. I love that God's ways supercede mine and that even though sometimes His ways may not be easy or come as quickly as I would like, they happen at the right time and are exactly what I need. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:8-9~

I love those moments in life when you see the whole picture. This last Thursday was one of those moments! This whole transition to Dallas and trying to find a job in the process has been nothing but stressful for me. Unfortunately there were times of doubt and "what did I get myself into?" moments, but throughout this whole process I now realize that God truly is faithful! Seeing the whole picture now, I realize that God had everything perfectly orchestrated the exact way He wanted it (from the roomie He blessed me with, the area of Dallas He led us to, and especially the school He opened a door for me to teach at!). God truly is faithful...I just wish I remembered that more :)

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
~Proverbs 19:21~

A Daily Dose of Trust

So I've been putting off writing this particular blog for many reasons. The main reason being that writing or saying it out loud just makes it more of a reality....and honestly, I'm not quite ready for that reality. But seeing as how the thoughts running through my head are still keeping me up (and I've run out of sugar free candy to help me through!), I decided there is no perfect time like the present.


So Friday, I turned in my resignation letter. I know that's not necessarily the normal thing for someone who loves their school to do, but I know in my heart this is God's way of saying I need a change. Basically to make a long story short, because of the smallness of our school, my grade level certifications, and the number of students in each grade, the only option available to me next year is Pre-K. I did this my first 2 years and if anyone knew me during those 2 years, they knew how miserable I was. I've had more than my fair share of zipping zippers, poop, and throw up incidences to last me until God blesses me with my own kids someday! So all that to say that the possibility of going back, in all honesty, wasn't a possibility.


Now comes the part that I ALWAYS struggle with....the unknown. The last 2 or 3 weeks have been nonstop stress. I've been stressing about EVERYTHING...where God wants me, knowing when He is going to show me the answers, and (most of all) having to say goodbye to the kids I've grown to love over these last 5 years. And lately, I've been feeling this new added stress in not knowing what to tell people when they ask what I plan on doing next year.


One of my oh so many faults is that I'm a worrier. When things unexpectedly change, I always feel the need to figure them out myself or at least worry about it until an answer comes! Recently my friend Lindsay pointed out to me that worrying is just a way of saying that I don't fully trust God....and unfortunately she's right. I feel I trust God to a degree. I trust God with my head. I can look back in my life and count so many instances of where God brought me through something hard or trying and led me right where I needed to be. The part I always struggle with is trusting God with my heart...especially whenever I'm actually going through those hard times.


A favorite quote of mine is by Elisabeth Elliot and it says "I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered questions, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts." I love that last part and until He gives me the answer about where He wants me, I guess that's what I'm going to have to do...continue to lift my heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon my thoughts.


"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" ~Psalms 27:14

"For I know the plans for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

"Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying 'This is the way; walk in it'". ~Isaiah 30:21

"I Saw What I Saw...."

"I saw what I saw and I can't forget it. I heard what I heard and I can't go back. I know what I know and I can't deny it. Something on the road cut me to the soul. Your pain has changed me. Your dream inspires. Your face a memory. Your hope a fire. Your courage asks me, what am I afraid of and what I know of love....."

I recently saw this video and it reminded me of all the sweet faces I saw in Ethiopia. I tried to put the video on here so you could see it, but I'm a little challenged when it comes to technology...so you will have to settle for a link that will take you to it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdP6PqsbJY

Kindred Spirits

So one of my best friends called tonight to tell me that she was driving in for the weekend and I'm the lucky one that gets to hang out with her tomorrow!!! After we hung up, I started thinking about what great girl friends God has blessed me with in my life. I think of them as my kindred spirits! A few of these girls I've known FOREVER, a couple I met at A&M, and a couple of them God has placed in my life in the past 5 years. Most of these girls are as different as night and day, and when I try to think about what makes me love them so much I realize it's because they have characteristics that I admire and want more of in my own life! So I thought I'd introduce you to them...ha...I know, kinda corny...but I'm okay with that :)

So first of all there's Tonya! LOVE HER!! She's the one that knows me the best...the one that can finish my sentences...the one that I go to first with my problems. She's unbelievably loyal and trustworthy and I guess that's what I love the most about her! She's seen me at my best and my worst and she will forever love me! You can't beat a friend like that!

Then there's Laura! Where do I start?...JK! She's my other best friend that I've known forever. She's the one I've always been secretly jealous of...either because of the fact that EVERY (and not exaggerating here) guy I liked in high school conveniently liked her or because of her crazy, cool fashion sense! I guess the thing I love about Laura the most is her playfulness and positive attitude! She doesn't let alot get her down and she definitely lives life to the fullest!



Courtney...or C. Hicky as I lovingly refer to her! She's my college roomie for 2 marvelous years! She and I hit it off immediately...which is not common for a shy one like me! She was ALWAYS making me laugh and felt my pain when it came to the struggle of shyness. The thing I love the most about her is that she's that friend that you can pick things up with right where you left off!

You can look at this picture and know who gets me in the most interesting situations....KYLA! Kyla and I are complete opposites in almost every way....she's loud and loves attention while I shy away from it...she takes great pleasure in telling the most outrageous stories while I get nervous and wonder if people really want to hear mine....she loves anything gaudy and glittery while I settle for the simple! The thing I love about Kyla is that I can go to her with things that others might see as trivial, and she truly listens and understands!

This next one holds a extra special place in my heart...Lindsay! In the short time I've known her, I can say sooo much about why I love her. I think God places people in your life so that you can help them and also so that they can help you...Lindsay is one of those people to me! She's the one that makes me think and challenges me to see things from a completely different perspective. I love her openness and heart for people. I love how she's willing to share her present or past struggles because she knows it might help others who are going through those same struggles as well. I love her humbleness, how God radiates through her life, and how God uses her in more ways than she could ever imagine! I hope she rubs off on me and one day all 3 of those characteristics can be seen in me as well :)

Last, but by no means least, is Mary Michal. I've only recently gotten to know her, but I feel as though we were sisters separated at birth! I love her so much because she makes me feel like its okay to be me! I can't tell you the number of times that I've said something about myself and she's looked at me afterwards and said "Me too!" The thing I love about her is how genuine she is and how easy friendship is with her :) P.S. She's also one of the few friends I have that I can proudly say I'm taller than!!!!

Almost forgot little Jess! Jess was a freshman my 1st senior year at A&M and she was another one with whom I immediately bonded! After we met, I swear we were attached at the hip and I still to this day consider her my little sis! Jess has such a beautiful spirit and a loving heart! I have seen her literally blossom before my eyes into a strong and amazing Christian woman who is constantly being used by God. The thing I love about Jess is her hunger for the Lord. After each conversation I have with her, I am constantly encouraged and challenged to have as much of a fire in my walk with the Lord as she has! I love her dearly :)

What a lucky girl I am!

"Two are better than one....If one falls down, his friend can help him up."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

On my list!

So I have a list! I started it on a night when I had too much on my mind and I couldn't go to sleep....which unfortunately happens way too often :( Since that night, I've been adding more and more to it. When I look at it now, I guess you could say that the things on it are a little bit random. It consists of things I know I will someday accomplish, things that seem far out of my reach, things I'm too scared to do on my own, and things I hope someday God will bless me with. I promise one day that list (or most of it at least), will be on here...but this is not that day!

Today a certain someone reminded me that one of the things on my list is about to come true!!!!! God has blessed me with 4 major passions in my life so far: kids, photography, puzzles (don't ask!), and TRAVELING! Since I love to travel, much of my list consists of all the places I would love to go see. One of those many places has always been ITALY!! When I think of Italy, the 2 things that have always popped into my mind are gondolas and Venice! I don't know which one excites me more: a city of canals and bridges or a boat steered by a little Italian man wearing a striped shirt with a cute little hat and singing in a language I don't know! Either way, the whole idea of Italy has always excited me! So, all that to say that one of the things on my list is "to ride in a gondola with the man I love".


Okay, here comes the part of the list that I am going to have to modify a little bit. Unfortunately, I haven't fallen in love yet...although I'm trusting God has "him" out there for me sometime soon. So for the time being, my list now includes "to ride in a gondola with the sister I love!" (and who knows....maybe the other will come eventually!) That's right...my big sis is coming with me to Italy!!! So not only do I get to experience the beauty of Italy, eat authentic Italian food, and view some gorgeous works of art...but, I get to do them with my amazing big sis! I'm so excited!!!!

My gorgeous big sis!