So I've been putting off writing this particular blog for many reasons. The main reason being that writing or saying it out loud just makes it more of a reality....and honestly, I'm not quite ready for that reality. But seeing as how the thoughts running through my head are still keeping me up (and I've run out of sugar free candy to help me through!), I decided there is no perfect time like the present.
So Friday, I turned in my resignation letter. I know that's not necessarily the normal thing for someone who loves their school to do, but I know in my heart this is God's way of saying I need a change. Basically to make a long story short, because of the smallness of our school, my grade level certifications, and the number of students in each grade, the only option available to me next year is Pre-K. I did this my first 2 years and if anyone knew me during those 2 years, they knew how miserable I was. I've had more than my fair share of zipping zippers, poop, and throw up incidences to last me until God blesses me with my own kids someday! So all that to say that the possibility of going back, in all honesty, wasn't a possibility.
Now comes the part that I ALWAYS struggle with....the unknown. The last 2 or 3 weeks have been nonstop stress. I've been stressing about EVERYTHING...where God wants me, knowing when He is going to show me the answers, and (most of all) having to say goodbye to the kids I've grown to love over these last 5 years. And lately, I've been feeling this new added stress in not knowing what to tell people when they ask what I plan on doing next year.
One of my oh so many faults is that I'm a worrier. When things unexpectedly change, I always feel the need to figure them out myself or at least worry about it until an answer comes! Recently my friend Lindsay pointed out to me that worrying is just a way of saying that I don't fully trust God....and unfortunately she's right. I feel I trust God to a degree. I trust God with my head. I can look back in my life and count so many instances of where God brought me through something hard or trying and led me right where I needed to be. The part I always struggle with is trusting God with my heart...especially whenever I'm actually going through those hard times.
A favorite quote of mine is by Elisabeth Elliot and it says "I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered questions, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts." I love that last part and until He gives me the answer about where He wants me, I guess that's what I'm going to have to do...continue to lift my heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon my thoughts.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" ~Psalms 27:14
"For I know the plans for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11
"Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying 'This is the way; walk in it'". ~Isaiah 30:21
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If you would like a laid back job...get you ESL certification and come be an ESL teacher next year with me in Dallas.... your pay would probably double too cause they pay really good in the metroplex!
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